Dateline NBC had a great series called "To Catch A Predator" about grown men who prey on minors for sex. The episode featuring Maurice Wolin was a classic. He is, or was some cancer doctor who went to the house of someone who identified herself as 13 years old. Unfortunately, for him that is, it was an undercover sting. Fortunately for us, we were provided with a very entertaining segment. When the cops busted Maury Swollen, he whined about how he wasn't gonna do anything. Wah! Boo-hoo! Anyways. Here is a recap of the segment.
The doctor arrives at the home. Unfortunately its not your normal house call. He walks to the garage and takes a disturbing look back before entering. Probably checking if there are any cops or local adults walking around. What he doesn't know is the house is looking back at him.
Gets the first stain on his clothes when he has a premature accident upon meeting the decoy pretending to be 13.
Up to this point, their romance had been through a computer screen.
Maurice Wolin (at the time) is 48. Chris Hansen says he lies about being 29.
I'd like to add that he also lies about being dreamy. He's bald, skinny, and pale as a ghost.
He uses the name talldreamy_doc. I think there's some other names that are more appropriate.
He tells the 13 year old decoy more than once he could get into trouble, but he shows up anyway.
Looks like you can lead a horse to water and make him drink. Time to put this horse out to pasture.
It appears that something really important is on his mind because there are no mental resources left to perform any other function like pouring a pitcher. I wonder what he's thinking of. What a mess. I'm talking about the man, not the drink.
Poor sap thinks the worst of his problems is that he just spilled the drink. Whats about to happen to him on a personal level is equivalent to 9/11. Life will never, regardless of the outcome, ever be the same again. There's the Maurice Wolin before "To Catch A Predator", and then the Maurice after Predator. By the way, the drink is the second stain on his clothes.
So the ogre goes to get a towel to clean up. Although he didn't know his fate was already sealed, this was the moment when Wolin realized it was over. Why? Because there was a camera crew behind that wall. *GULP* Yeah, camera crew as in VIDEO CAMERA. The kind that records audio and video so you can play the footage on TV.
Have you ever been disappointed with a present you received?
Maurice opened a present expecting to "feel good", instead he got exposed as a creepy goblin in front of family, friends, coworkers and a little thing called national TV! Wolin sees the cameras, quickly turns around and runs, thus depriving us of what would have been an excellent Hansen-Perp confrontation. Queue the Benny Hill music.
So the cops have their guns aimed at the tall, dreamy doc. Can you believe this? He's a doctor with a family, and now he's got multiple cops aiming their guns at him. Not water guns, not even paintball guns. Real guns. Real bullets. That kill. Aimed at him. The same guy that earlier in the morning was fighting cancer.
Remember when your parents caught you with your hand in the cookie jar? Multiple that feeling by a million.
In a rage he throws his sunglasses on the ground. I'm assuming those were expensive designer sunglasses. At this point in his life, he clearly does not appreciate himself, his family, his career and possessions. I wear $15 Wal-Mart sunglasses and yet I would never throw them on the ground no matter how mad I was. For me, that would be one expensive temper tantrum.
The third stain is the 7 inch poop skid in his underwear.
Then the pansy goes on this whining campaign "I wasn't doin' anything". Yeah right. He has a sexually charged chat, drives 40 minutes to her house when he thinks she's alone, just to do nothing. Piss on my leg and tell me its raining. Total assclown.
You made your underage bed, and you can't sleep in it!
 | They take him to this trailer where all the potential-new-boyfriends-of-Bubba go to get searched, identify themselves, cry, whine, sniffle, be pathetic, make excuses, etc. The reality starts to hit Wolin like a ton of bricks. Its written all over his "dreamy" face. If only we could have seen his face as Wolin Shakespeare was typing the filth to the decoy who identified herself as a 13 year old. |
Maurice said he's really scared, and the cop replied there's nothing to be scared about.
My sides split open when I heard that. That cop should quit police work and do comedy!
So with the humiliation, loss of work, family, friends, and possible jail time, there's nothing to be scared of?
Even MoWo thought it was an odd response and said "Nothing to be scared of???"
Classic! Tell that cop his next coffee and donut is on me. He throws a little hissy fit and complains about being in handcuffs and photographed. So what did he expect?
A pat on the back?
A trophy?
The Nobel Prize?
This guy is outrageous.
His professional name WAS Dr. Maurice Wolin. Now he goes by Maury Swollen, Moreass Wantin, Maurice Wants-Teen and Mauron. Ironic that the cancer doctor was destroyed by cancer of his common sense. Seriously. You want this guy writing you a potentially life threatening prescription. The guy who apparently can't tell the difference between 13, and over 18?
MoWo gets taken by Officer Nelson to a trailer for their interview. The cop starts off by asking for his screen name, and Maurice says he really needs an attorney. Good luck with that. Matlock ain't real and Johnnie Cochrane is dead.
Maury Pie decides to talk. He starts by saying how he chickened out the first time he went to meet her.
I think a better way to describe this is that the head on his shoulders took over that day and said no way in hell you're going to the child's house. Unfortunately, the other head took over on this day.
Man where do I sign up for this job. Interviewing these creeps would be so fun because they're so busted. They try to make excuses but you've got a printout of the filthy garbage they typed out the night before to throw at them.
Mauron starts talking about how the only reason he went to the house was because he was concerned for her, and if you read the chat, you can tell that was his only motive. So then the cop reads the part where Maury Swollen wanted her to take her pants off. MoWo lets out a defeated sigh and says he wasn't gonna do anything. Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids! Ever really not want to be somewhere? Once again, multiply that feeling by a million.
Dr.Pecker tries to weasel his way out not knowing she was underage.
I wonder if anyone died from cancer while the doctor was trying to play doctor with the decoy.
At this point his mouth is getting a little dry so he has a bottle of Boo-Hoo!
Honestly, I don't think he's a total bad guy. I heard all the minors he does "nothing" with, he gives their grandparents free cancer treatment. Oops. He chugged that bottle of Boo-Hoo too fast. Maury Swollen just had an accident.
Once the interview is over, he asks if he can call his wife. Does he really want to do that? At this point, he's better off calling Dr.Jack Kevorkian. Anyways, he talks to his wife. Another classic moment in Maurice Wolin's Finest Hour.
He starts the call by saying "Honey". Dude, don't even bother. Calling her "honey" ain't gonna soften the blow.
As if this entire fiasco wasn't enough, here's the kicker to it all. The 'oh my god' moment. The 'WTF' moment. The moment you put your hands over your face and shake your head. The moment the wrong exploded exponentially.
Mauron tells his wife "don't bring the girls". I wish I was making that up. Thats no typo. He said "don't bring the girls".
Not that it would be okay if he was childless, but Holy Hypocrite Batman! He's got young daughters of his own!
Yeah good idea, leave the girls home alone. Maybe some middle-aged goon will come over and "do nothing".
His hypocrisy is almost as sickening as his intentions. Don't bring the girls. Unbelievable.
Lets forget the age issue for a moment. Whats lost in all this is that he went there to cheat on his wife, and when that failed he called her for help. Wow. What a class act. More like an ass act. The poor wife married a doctor and thought she won the jackpot, when in reality all she won was a jackass.
Well there you have it, that concludes Maurice Wolin's Finest Hour.
*** BREAKING NEWS ***
Don't count the former doctor out yet. It looks like he may have a way out of the mess he got himself into.
